Phase 2--Russia Sucks

In honor of the wicked 'Phase-2*'ing happening  right now, I thought I'd share my own (and some other people's) personal grievances with this god-forsaken country.

1) This country is dirty as hell. Like, it's just grimy. It's understandable that Russians don't wear their outside shoes inside...EVER. The amount of muck I walk through everyday is unbelievable. Also, there is poop everywhere. I hope it's dog poop, but from the size of some of the loafs, I'm starting to believe Russians actually DO have bears for pets. I haven't stepped in any yet, but I know it's just a matter of time.
2) It's wet. It rains all the time and apparently the Fall and Winter trade rain for snow, so Whoppdi DOO. Even when the weather report predicts sun all day, St. Petersburg will find a way to sneak some rain in there somewhere.
3) Kopeks- WTF!! These are the 'cents' of the Ruble. They are COMPLETELY useless, and yet, I somehow have a bag full of them. I try to use them, but then I get yelled at because I'm taking too much time to count them. This brings us to:
4) Cashiers can go to hell. It's impossible to get through any type of cash transaction without some exasperating sigh or disappointing look. You buy something and pray that it comes out to exactly 100 rubles, because if it doesn't...ahh hell. Someone has to count out change, and it's going to ruin their day. Even when you try to spare the cashier the horrible task of making change by having the exact amount, they still glare at you. You can't do right. Once a cashier yelled at me because she thought I should have had 75.60 in coins. The change for 100p is FIVE COINS. I should have given her a sassy "Сука, Пожалуйста!" but that probably would have caused a situation.
5) Pickpockets-I just don't want to deal with that.
6) Water- Fun Story: Water from the tap in St. Petersburg has Giardia in it. This isn't such a big deal, because most of the time I drink tea, and it has been boiled, killing the parasites. However, say you wake up at 3a.m. with an unreasonable thirst and you forgot to purchase water today. Too bad. Don't even think about drinking the boiled tap; it tastes like pennies. The nearest 24 hr. store is 5 blocks away and to get there, you're going to have to deal with defecating drunks (yeah, that happened).
 7) Water-again. There's a joke here which states 'all of Mendeleev's can be found in the waters of the Neva'. It's probably closer to truth than not. A few kilometers outside of town is a place called Красный Бор. It's a big hole in the ground where the Soviets thought it would be ok to dump all sort of chemicals. It's full now, and every time it rains, it overflows and drains into a river which leads to the Neva. Guess from which river St. Petersburg gets its water? Yeah, the Neva. There's so much pollution, Finland is getting pissed. Even when the water is boiled, the chemicals remain and there is always a metallic taste. Bottled water FTW.
 8) Coffee- Class just got out and you're craving a delicious coffee concoction so you head over to the nearest Кофе Хауз, Шоколодница, or Coffeeshop company. Looking at the menu, everything looks yummy; the flavors are exciting, and everything smells like coffee. You can hardly wait. The waitress arrives with you order and it looks amazing; it has the fancy foam on top and everything.
What is this I don't even...
The menu says 300ml of coffee. Sounds like a lot, right? Wrong! Screwed once again by the metric system. The 10oz of, let's not even call this coffee, WARM MILK SCENTED LIKE HAZELNUT is SOOOOO not worth the 189 rubles ($6.07) you just spent on it. Let's say you just want a normal drip coffee. Yeah, not gonna happen. It's the ONE drink coffee shops don't do.
9) Doors- They always come in pairs. There are always weird locks and weird keys. Those weird keys and locks only work properly 50% of the time. I have been locked on the wrong side of the door to my apartment twice so far. Not a fun experience. 
10) Host Families- I've lived pretty independently the last 5 years of my life so naturally, having a 'parental figure' around all the time was quite the shock. While she does cook for me, she scolds me for using the wrong hand soap. She's called me rude a couple times; I'm still not sure why. I would understand, maybe, if my Russian were good enough for me to be catty--but it isn't. She also has a tendency to turn off my light for me when she notices I'm up at midnight. Thanks. Also like doors, light switches are incredibly confusing for Americans. Now, this is particularly annoying when taken into consideration the fact that I also wake up an hour before anyone else in the apartment. I think I'm doing fine with my 6.5 hours of sleep. I do not need to go to sleep at 9, nor does anyone between the ages of 9 and 65.
Also, Everyday:
Her: What are you doing today?
Me: Meeting with [some girl/group of girls/group of mixed company]
Her: Is she pretty?/ Will there be girls?
Me: ಠ_ಠ
Her: Why aren't you married?
Me: ಠ_ಠ
Her: How's [insert girl's name]
Me: ಠ_ಠ Good
Her: Is she your girlfriend?

Not Now. Not Ever. I'm 23. Why the hell would anyone be married at 23 in 2011?? The fact that I'm single does not mean I'm open for matchmaking--especially from a Russian babushka. Because lemme tell you-- I'll come home with a couple Komsomol badges and some furry hats, not a girlfriend.

I'm probably forgetting some really juicy rants, but I'm exhausted now.

Honorable Mention:
Republicans: This resides in the honorable mention category as it is not a problem with Russia, per se, but with the Americans IN Russia. Having spent a majority of the last couple years in Minneapolis, it's easy to forget that they exist. But I'll leave it at this: If I see one more person checking the news on The Drudge Report, my brain is gonna start bleeding.

*Look up 'culture shock' on wikipedia