Guess Where I'm Going!!!!

Oh yeah. Also I'm pretty sure that song is in German.

And for your cheesy Soviet enjoyment



Pretty sure this one is Russian.
In other news: I have enough of a handle of the Russian language to reserve theatre tickets. Hurray me!! I'm going to see Spartacus at the Mikhailovsky Theatre. Should be good.

Anyway, Be back in a week!!

Adventures in Russian Food #6

Quick update:

Interesting things I have ingested in the last week:

Homemade chicken liver pâté- Delicious. I knew I love this stuff on Bahn Mi, but man is it good just on crackers or bread. It's chicken liver with veggies ground into a paste.

Stewed Eggplant Stuff- My host mother didn't give me a name for this but I probably came close. It's eggplant, peppers, tomato, garlic, onion, carrots, cabbage, lots of salt, and probably some other stuff too. It's fo-realz tasty. If anyone has a name for this, do tell.

Tvorog- I had my first Tvorog experience this morning for breakfast. Tvorog (творог for you purists out there) is translated as farmers cheese, but I'm not sure that does it justice. For me, it was a slightly sour, sweet yogurt-like product with the texture half way between cream cheese and a greek yogurt. It ran like yogurt, but held form when moved with a spoon. Very interesting stuff. My host my mixed it with vat-jelly and it was just fantastic. I think the stuff I had this morning was around 11% fat, so it should stick with me for a while. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tvorog for more info.

Калина - My host mom had a small bucket of red juice with pulp sitting on the counter. As I was finishing breakfast, she asked if I wanted to try so naturally, I said yes. She told me that it was mushed up Калина and that it was very bitter. She dipped a spoon in and gave me a spoonful. Yes, it's bitter. In fact, probably as misleadingly bitter as bakers chocolate. Such a lovely red juice should not be that bitter. As it turns out, my host dad makes medicine out of it. This is what wikipedia says http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Viburnum.
It's apparently a laxative and seeing how I haven't exploded, I'm guessing a spoonful is not enough to be effective. Again, If anyone knows what these guys are, please tell me. I'd rather not think of them as 'mooseberries'.

Phase 2--Russia Sucks

In honor of the wicked 'Phase-2*'ing happening  right now, I thought I'd share my own (and some other people's) personal grievances with this god-forsaken country.

1) This country is dirty as hell. Like, it's just grimy. It's understandable that Russians don't wear their outside shoes inside...EVER. The amount of muck I walk through everyday is unbelievable. Also, there is poop everywhere. I hope it's dog poop, but from the size of some of the loafs, I'm starting to believe Russians actually DO have bears for pets. I haven't stepped in any yet, but I know it's just a matter of time.
2) It's wet. It rains all the time and apparently the Fall and Winter trade rain for snow, so Whoppdi DOO. Even when the weather report predicts sun all day, St. Petersburg will find a way to sneak some rain in there somewhere.
3) Kopeks- WTF!! These are the 'cents' of the Ruble. They are COMPLETELY useless, and yet, I somehow have a bag full of them. I try to use them, but then I get yelled at because I'm taking too much time to count them. This brings us to:
4) Cashiers can go to hell. It's impossible to get through any type of cash transaction without some exasperating sigh or disappointing look. You buy something and pray that it comes out to exactly 100 rubles, because if it doesn't...ahh hell. Someone has to count out change, and it's going to ruin their day. Even when you try to spare the cashier the horrible task of making change by having the exact amount, they still glare at you. You can't do right. Once a cashier yelled at me because she thought I should have had 75.60 in coins. The change for 100p is FIVE COINS. I should have given her a sassy "Сука, Пожалуйста!" but that probably would have caused a situation.
5) Pickpockets-I just don't want to deal with that.
6) Water- Fun Story: Water from the tap in St. Petersburg has Giardia in it. This isn't such a big deal, because most of the time I drink tea, and it has been boiled, killing the parasites. However, say you wake up at 3a.m. with an unreasonable thirst and you forgot to purchase water today. Too bad. Don't even think about drinking the boiled tap; it tastes like pennies. The nearest 24 hr. store is 5 blocks away and to get there, you're going to have to deal with defecating drunks (yeah, that happened).
 7) Water-again. There's a joke here which states 'all of Mendeleev's can be found in the waters of the Neva'. It's probably closer to truth than not. A few kilometers outside of town is a place called Красный Бор. It's a big hole in the ground where the Soviets thought it would be ok to dump all sort of chemicals. It's full now, and every time it rains, it overflows and drains into a river which leads to the Neva. Guess from which river St. Petersburg gets its water? Yeah, the Neva. There's so much pollution, Finland is getting pissed. Even when the water is boiled, the chemicals remain and there is always a metallic taste. Bottled water FTW.
 8) Coffee- Class just got out and you're craving a delicious coffee concoction so you head over to the nearest Кофе Хауз, Шоколодница, or Coffeeshop company. Looking at the menu, everything looks yummy; the flavors are exciting, and everything smells like coffee. You can hardly wait. The waitress arrives with you order and it looks amazing; it has the fancy foam on top and everything.
What is this I don't even...
The menu says 300ml of coffee. Sounds like a lot, right? Wrong! Screwed once again by the metric system. The 10oz of, let's not even call this coffee, WARM MILK SCENTED LIKE HAZELNUT is SOOOOO not worth the 189 rubles ($6.07) you just spent on it. Let's say you just want a normal drip coffee. Yeah, not gonna happen. It's the ONE drink coffee shops don't do.
9) Doors- They always come in pairs. There are always weird locks and weird keys. Those weird keys and locks only work properly 50% of the time. I have been locked on the wrong side of the door to my apartment twice so far. Not a fun experience. 
10) Host Families- I've lived pretty independently the last 5 years of my life so naturally, having a 'parental figure' around all the time was quite the shock. While she does cook for me, she scolds me for using the wrong hand soap. She's called me rude a couple times; I'm still not sure why. I would understand, maybe, if my Russian were good enough for me to be catty--but it isn't. She also has a tendency to turn off my light for me when she notices I'm up at midnight. Thanks. Also like doors, light switches are incredibly confusing for Americans. Now, this is particularly annoying when taken into consideration the fact that I also wake up an hour before anyone else in the apartment. I think I'm doing fine with my 6.5 hours of sleep. I do not need to go to sleep at 9, nor does anyone between the ages of 9 and 65.
Also, Everyday:
Her: What are you doing today?
Me: Meeting with [some girl/group of girls/group of mixed company]
Her: Is she pretty?/ Will there be girls?
Me: ಠ_ಠ
Her: Why aren't you married?
Me: ಠ_ಠ
Her: How's [insert girl's name]
Me: ಠ_ಠ Good
Her: Is she your girlfriend?

Not Now. Not Ever. I'm 23. Why the hell would anyone be married at 23 in 2011?? The fact that I'm single does not mean I'm open for matchmaking--especially from a Russian babushka. Because lemme tell you-- I'll come home with a couple Komsomol badges and some furry hats, not a girlfriend.

I'm probably forgetting some really juicy rants, but I'm exhausted now.

Honorable Mention:
Republicans: This resides in the honorable mention category as it is not a problem with Russia, per se, but with the Americans IN Russia. Having spent a majority of the last couple years in Minneapolis, it's easy to forget that they exist. But I'll leave it at this: If I see one more person checking the news on The Drudge Report, my brain is gonna start bleeding.

*Look up 'culture shock' on wikipedia

Adventures in Russian Food #5

Eel, Pumpkin, Vat jelly and Pop

So in the past couple days, I have had some pretty interesting stuff to eat. Unfortunately, I don't have pictures, because how awkward is that?? "Lemme just take some pictures of the food you just made me real quick, then I'll eat"

Pumpkin Soup- Entering the kitchen and seeing a pot of slightly orange goop would concern me in America, but this is Russia, and who knows what to expect? Anyway, I initially thought it'd be something like cheesy mash or something because it was kinda the consistency of Russian mashed potatoes (think soupy instant potatoes). I tried it and it was definitely not, and I couldn't pinpoint the taste. It was completely foreign, or so I thought. My babushka and host sister just kept saying тыква тыква тыква, and I had no idea what that was. Finally my host sister spits out 'Halloween'. Problem solved.

Eel- "Do you want sosiski or cutlety?" "Well, I haven't had cutlety yet, so Why not??" One bite, tasted like fish, REALLY fatty, thoroughly confused. "Like a fish and a snake"--And that's how I learned the word for Eel - угорь and according to google translate, also 'blackhead'. Lovely

Vat Jelly- Pretty self explanatory. There is a 2 gallon bucket on the kitchen floor filled with cranberry pulp/juice and sugar. It's thick, like grainy syrup. It's in my morning kasha and on a cheese sandwich a couple times a week. It's tasty. It'll probably give me botulism or an amazing case of the squirts.

Pop- The last two weeks have been busy in terms of impulsive beverage purchasing. Исинди, Лукошко, Барбарис, Саяны.

 Исинди-Isindi
If anyone knows what this is, or anything about it, let me know. I have no idea.
Taste- Kinda like how the Seward Coop smells mixed with an herbal medicine shop. And just like it takes a couple trips to the Seward coop to get used to the hairy women and pretentious cereals, It takes a couple sips to appreciate the taste. I'd get it again.

 Лукошко-Lukoshko
With BERRIES AND GRASS (or something along those lines. This one was interesting. It tasted like berries but it was also somewhat medicinal. Probably the grass.

 Cаяны -Cayany
This was disgusting. It was sweet, but it just tasted off. I have no idea what it was. It was partially carbonated and super syrupy. It's probably the first drink I've had here that I didn't like.

Барбарис- Barbaris
Berberry flavor. It was good. Your basic fruit soda. Yum

Fountains and Peter with a Shrunken Head

The last two excursions sponsored through the program were to Peterhof and to the Peter and Paul Fortress.
Peterhof was absolutely fantastic. We got a tour which consisted of the lower gardens and the grotto and lucky for us, the fountains were still on. The lower gardens have fountains everywhere including the main, huge fountain of Samson behind the palace. There is also the Chess Mountain thingy, which is, of course, a mountain of chess. My Babushka says there's a similar fountain in Germany somewhere. Peter apparently loved practical jokes because there was a bench fountain that when you sat on it, it'd squirt you with water. There was also a fountain which contained a bucket of fruit, and when you grab at it, the security guard flips a switch and *soaked. I'm sure all this water is fun in the summer, but in the fall, it's pretty cold. We saw the Gulf of Finland. Near the shore there's a bronze statue which if you rub it and give it money, it's good luck. I hear everything in Russia is lucky if you touch it/give it money. I have yet to prove this, but speaking of which, I need to go raid Chizhik Pizhik sometime; there are probably some cool coins there. Again, the lower gardens are absolutely beautiful. Definitely a must see if ever in St. Petersburg.
The next part of the tour was of the grottoes, where all the fountain mechanics are. And by mechanics, I mean just pipes and values. All the fountains are operated without the use of pumps; they just use gravity and differences in elevation. Though claustrophobic at times, the grotto part of the tour was the most interesting and cool.
After this, we had a little bit of free time to see the upper gardens or pay extra to see inside the palace. The people I was hanging around that day were getting hungry and cranky, so we, instead, went to a cafe nearby and ate. I guess the upper gardens will have to wait until next semester.
The next excursion was to the Peter and Paul fortress. The fortress is one of the oldest structures in St. Petersburg and is rather impressive. We took a tour of the main cathedral inside and of the prison. The coolest part was definitely the cathedral. Inside are the tombs of former czars including Peter the Great, Catherine the Great (tee hee), and the Romanov family (last czars). The prison was interesting, but not necessary. I would have rather toured the mint/coin museum thingy that is also located in the fortress.
The area around the fortress is also pretty interesting. There is a miniature park which has bronze miniatures of the famous buildings in St. Petersburg. The metro stop nearby looks like a flying saucer. The Mosque is really close and Peter the Great's cabin is just around the corner.

Adventures in Russian Food #4

I noticed today that the foods I have planned to write about are mostly junk foods/pops purchased from any number of stores and not really representative of I've actually been eating since being here. So here goes:
-Breakfast: Usually a 100gr yogurt cup, kasha, a sandwich or two, and tea. Sometimes I get a syrok for breakfast, which is a fantastic start for the day. Occasionally the 'main' breakfast dish will change. Sometimes it's ramen, mashed potatoes, or oladi (pancakes).
-Lunch: Breakfast is huge, and I mean huge. I usually don't do lunch and if I do, it's yogurt from a produkty nearby or coffee.
-Dinner foods: 95% of the time, I have soup and salad for dinner with the ubiquitous buderbrod (open faced sandwich) and tea. Occasionally there are pelmeni, and occasionally I have potatoes with either chicken or sosiski (hotdogs, but not gross). Sometimes kasha as well. The salad is onion, garlic, tomato, and sometimes red peppers tossed with sunflower oil and salt. After you eat the veggies you tear up some bread to soak up the delicious sauce left at the bottom.

Rundown on what everything is:
~Kasha- it's porridge and can be made from any grain/cereal, but the end-all-be-all is buckwheat. I usually get oat kasha which isn't bad; just like oatmeal.
~Oladi (Оладьи)- Small pancakes which doesn't seem to be made with leavening. They aren't puffy, but they are soft and my host mom is REALLY good at making them. Smear with preserves and enjoy.
~Yogurt- Russians know dairy. Like everything I've had here is just about a billion times better than in the States (assuming you purchase the right kind of milk). WisconSIN doesn't know shit! Anyway, my favorite yogurt is a semi-drinkable variety with melon and mango.
~Schi- Cabbage soup with meat, veggies, and barley. There is another variety called Sour Schi, and it's made with sauerkraut. I like both.
~Rassol'nik- Also sometimes called Pickle Soup. Why? It's made with pickles and pickle juice. There's other stuff in it, but for me the taste of the pickle stuff is the primary flavor. Strangely enough, I like this soup a lot too.
~Pemeni- Meat dumplings. My host mom serves them in a broth and with sour cream. These are probably my favorite things to eat. There is always room for one more, they are just that delicious.
~Sosiska (Сосиска)- Essentially a hot dog, except maybe saltier and always boiled, never grilled. By the way, 'hot dogs' (хот-дог) are the gross things sold in street carts, according to my host mom, and taste nothing like sosiski.

Things I have not eaten that I wish to (and am somewhat disappointed I have not already)
~Okroshka with kvas
~Borsht
~Anything else with beets
~Kholodets (I have expressed interest in this to host mom so, fingers crossed!)
~Shuboy (herring in a fur coat)
~McDonalds
~Bear -There is a restaurant that serves it somewhere.
~Sushi

Stay Tuned for more Russian Soda!!

Money, Money, Money.....MONEY

So I haven't actually done anything in the last two weeks. This last weekend was our first weekend without an excursion and how do I spend it? Staying out late and feeling sick on Saturday (uh-hmm).
Thus, I thought I'd take some time to discuss money.
The Ruble is the currency of the Russian Federation. There are 100 kopeks per ruble and we've been lucky so far as the ruble has been hovering around 32 rubles per dollar for a couple weeks. Banknotes come in 10p, 50p, 100p, 500p, 1000p, and 5000p. 5000 ruble notes are the most unfortunate things ever, unless of course, you plan on purchasing something costing more than 4500p. This is because it's really quite difficult to break the larger notes without getting yelled at or at the very least, dirty looks and glares. The only reliable place to break a 5000 is the metro, where you can usually buy 4 tokens and get the rest back as change (4900p). 1000p notes are also inconvenient, but to a lesser extent. I personally hate the 10p note, but good news, the government is phasing them out with coins!
As far as coins go, there is a 10p, 5p, 2p, 1p, 50k, 10k, 5k, and 1k. The 1 and 5 kopeck coins are completely phased out and stores now use a system of Swedish rounding. The other kopeck coins are the most useless things ever. I hate them. I have a bag full of them on my desk and I don't know what to do with them. You try using them at a store and you get told by the cashier "Don't bother" or "Не надо". But then, when you don't have them, you're suddenly expected to. You can't win. Either way, project "Spend Kopecks" needs to begin soon lest I come home with pounds and pounds of coins!

Note: I have found 4 1k coins so far, on the ground. If you want to find one of your own, you need to stalk wedding parties as they are commonly thrown at the happy couple to, I'm guessing, bring wealth or something. But, I think superstition is dumb so I have no problems cleaning up them to satisfy my numismatic interests. I found the 5k on a ledge and I find like 5 10k coins every day. 
Here are some pics of money. Might upload some more later.

The Shiny one at the top is a newly redesigned 10p

Just about 3299 more of the small guys and I can get a quarter pounder with cheese!!

ta-da

Size comparison